


Relapse

by charxjay



Series: Char Does Jimon Week [7]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 12:09:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9819965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charxjay/pseuds/charxjay
Summary: “Told you I would be able to get him here.” Izzy spoke with a grin upon her lips, and Magnus walks up to them and hands out a drink to everyone.“Good, now I want everyone to be civil please. No repeat of the last movie night.” Magnus said before he’s leading Alec away from his siblings.Wait, last movie night Simon was here, did that mean he was here now? Oh god, he wasn’t too sure if he really was up for this. He takes in a deep breath and slowly lets it out.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Based On The Song; Relapse by Carrie Underwood

It was very early in the morning as he sat on the edge of the bed, a small sigh leaving his lips as he stands up and picks up his jeans off of the floor. He runs his hand through his hair before he’s looking over his shoulder, eyes finding them asleep with their head buried in the pillow. A light frown forms on his lips as he finds himself sitting back down, his head in hands. This was a mistake, every time it was a mistake. He knew this, but yet he kept coming back and it always left a guilty feeling in his stomach as he pulled his clothes back on every time before he’s leaving until the next time he _relapses_. His fingers running through his hair as his eyes search for his shirt, the memories of last night running through his head.

_Standing in front of the door as he waited, waited for the door to open. When it did, he didn’t give the other time to ask anything because he’s pushing them in, closing the door behind him. He’s attaching his lips to the others. Enjoying it when he feels them kissing him back. They let him attack their neck with kisses and he enjoyed the moans he elicited from them, and letting himself give one when he feels their hands touching in just the right places. Every time they tried to talk, he would shut them up by kissing them or making them moan instead. He didn’t want to hear a word they wanted to say, he made that mistake the first time he did this. Never again._

_They make it to the bedroom, and clothes are being shed and more moans are filling up the quiet room. Familiar hands roaming familiar bodies, using knowledge learnt about the other against them. It felt nice because it was like he had the upper hand in this. It was nice, and he enjoyed it while it lasted. Then they both feel asleep, not daring to say another word he had pretended he already was when he heard the other starting to ask a question._

Finding his shirt, he pulls it on over his head watching as the other stirred in their sleep. Stilling, not wanting to move he waited until it stopped before picking up his shoes and socks. He is sure is jacket is lying in the middle of the floor in the living area. Tip toeing his way into the space he is thankful that this is turning out just the way it usually did. But, it seemed as fate would have it today was going to be different.

“This is the last time, and this is _me_ saying it not you. I’m _not_ just some fucking toy you can play with when you want. You leave, you are leaving for good Simon because as much as I wish that we could have what we once had, I know you won’t give it to me. We are either friends or nothing because I’m sick of this. It hurts me, doing this and I want it to stop.” The words hurt as they spill out of the blond’s mouth. They hurt his heart because he _knows_ it takes a lot for him to even open up about his feelings, and even more to confess when he’s hurting and to know he’s the cause of the pain it hurts himself.

“I told you that it was just a relapse Jace.” Simon spoke with a light shrug of his shoulder. It was his turn to put on the façade.

“Yeah, you said that the first time, then the second, then the third but last night you said _nothing_ and you fucking pretended to be asleep! Don’t think I don’t fucking know because I do Simon. You can continue to be friends with my siblings, but when we’re together with them let’s keep our time together short.”

The hurt in Jace’s voice stung, like he was pouring salt over an open wound. “Jace…We can’t be what we were, you know that. We broke up for a reason.” Simon spoke after a few moments of silence, walking closer to Jace and lifting a hand to give Jace’s shoulder a squeeze but it was knocked away.

“And what was that reason Simon? You never told me. You just told me we were through. **You** are the one who broke us up.” Jace poke’s Simon’s chest and Simon can tell from the faint light that lit the room that there were tears forming in Jace’s eyes but he was trying to hold them back. “ **You** are the one that keeps doing this.” Another poke, “ **You** are the one who get’s my hopes up.” This time there was a light shove of Simon’s shoulder. “ **You** made me feel safe. **You** made feel _worthy_.” Jace gives Simon a shove with both his hands, it wasn’t hard but it wasn’t that gentle either. “ **You** made me fall for you! **You** asshole!”

“Jace…I…” Simon starts but get’s a glare in return and shuts his mouth. Gulping he takes a step back, a bit scared of what might happen because it looks like Jace has broken. That he’s hit his finally breaking point and it’s all just spilling, and Simon isn’t sure of what might come of this.

“No. You’re going to shut up. That first night, you came over and I thought that maybe just _maybe_ you regretted breaking up and wanted me back but no it turns out you just wanted sex! Then the next morning gone! You fucking left and I was shattered, and then you said it was just you relapsing in your thoughts that it was a mistake. It _hurt_. Simon, you hurt me, you know that _one thing_ you promised you wouldn’t do to me. Each time you came back, I hoped that it was you coming back to me for good but it wasn’t and I didn’t push you away because…some part of me hoped…I don’t honestly know. I just…I wanted you in any way that I could I suppose. So I _let_ you walk all over me like I had let everyone else because why should I deserve anything else? But last week, I told Izzy about this…not saying it was you and she said I needed to end it because it is _not healthy_ and that I deserve better than this. I didn’t believe her; I thought I did deserve this. But then, she started bringing in everyone and you want to know what _you_ said about it.”

 Jace is looking at Simon, his eyes glazing with tears that were threatening to spill over onto his cheeks. A few do and it takes a _lot_ of strong will power for Simon not to reach his hand up and wipe away the loose tears. The way Jace’s face was contorting was like a knife to Simon’s heart because he could tell that he was doing his best to _not_ be showing this much. Simon doesn’t need Jace to tell him what he had told Izzy. At the time, he hadn’t known the situation was Jace’s, he thought it was Izzy’s. He had told her to cut the person out of their life, _no matter_ how much it would hurt.

Silence fell over the pair and Simon could no longer bear to look at the pain he’s caused Jace. His brown eyes falling to the ground, taking an interest in the carpet beneath his bare feet, he was waiting for more. Waiting for Jace to say more.

“It hurts me so fucking much to do this because I **love** you, but I need you out of my life.” Jace’s voice cracks and his hands are flying up to cover his mouth. Simon can’t say anything because Jace is back in the bedroom. He heard the door slam. Simon didn’t know what to do; his shoes fall out of his hand as he loses his grip on them. Deciding to let his feet take him towards Jace’s bedroom door, he can hear the sobbing from behind the wall between them. Jace probably thinks that Simon had already left and that just sends another jolt through Simon because he use to be able to _see_ this vulnerable side of the blond, but now Jace is hiding it away from him.

He tortures himself by standing outside of the door. He never for a second during all of this thought that he was _hurting_ Jace. He thought that he was the only one hurting every time he did this. Sucking in a deep breath, he slowly opens up the door.

Heart shattering at the sight of Jace curled up on his bed, a hand going over his mouth when Simon sits on the edge of the bed. Simon hears that intake of breath, the one taken to try and gain control of breathing come from Jace before the hand is removed from his lips. “Izzy, I didn’t think y–” The words stop when Jace is looking down at his phone, from where he was sitting Simon can make out the _on my way_ text from Isabelle that had just came through. “Go away Simon.” Jace’s voice was hoarse from the crying he had been doing.

Simon didn’t move off, he moves closer with a saddened frown on his lips as he goes to rest his hands Jace’s forearm. Biting his lip when Jace stiffens at his touch, the touch was skin to skin because Jace hadn’t put on a shirt. “I…I didn’t know that you…hurt. Jace, I broke up with you because I felt like you would realise I wasn’t worth your time, and then you would break up with me. I never…But then, I just…I wanted to have something that we once had so I came that night, the first time. Hoping that it would solve my feelings. Jace…I’m sorry.”

Quiet, it’s quiet again except for the sounds of their breathing and Jace’s sniffling every now and then. Simon leans down and pressing a soft kiss to Jace’s bare shoulder. A soft kiss like he use to give the other. “I’m sorry Jace. I fucked up.”

Jace doesn’t say anything, and he wasn’t sure what to do now. Was there any way that he could solve this? Any way that he and Jace could potentially end up like they once were, whether it be friends or lovers?

“Jace?” A female voice called out, and he could hear the faint sound of the front door closing as she clearly let herself in.

“In my room.” Jace calls back, now turning so that he was looking at Simon. “I need time to think because you’re right, you did fuck up.”

**

 Two weeks, that is how long he managed to make up excuses as to why he couldn’t meet up with his friends, sometimes the excuses were real, other times they weren’t. He just didn’t want to confront them because he is sure they all know. He’s fucking sure of it. He was laying on the couch in his small apartment, game controller in his hand as he was playing a game of _Crash Bandicoot_. He groans when there is a knock at his door, but he ignores it and hopes that whoever it is will go away.

“LEWIS! OPEN UP!” Clary’s voice yelled as she knocked on the door again.

Throwing his head back, he pauses the game and opens up the door. Clary is standing there, her arms crossed against her chest as she glares a little at him.

“What do you want Fray?” He asks, leaning himself against the door frame.

“You are coming out with us today. I don’t care what the hell you and Jace are fighting about this time. You cannot hide yourself away, and neither can he. Both of you are acting like fucking children with this avoiding game.” Her voice was not soft, it was telling. She was _telling_ him that she was pissed at him without her having to say the words, _telling_ him he knows he won’t win this war.

“You don’t know why we are fighting?” Simon questions, he had really thought that at least _some_ part of it would get out.

“For one, Jace refuses to leave his apartment unless it’s work and is barely talking to anyone but Izzy. It’s hurting Alec, but because we all think it’s to do with the guy who has fucked him over I think Alec is letting it slide…barely.”

“Izzy is the best at relationship advice.” Simon pipes in, his eyes looking to the ground.

“Yeah, she is. And another reason is because _you_ have been avoiding us. When will you two grow up? You use to be good friends before you guys broke up.” Clary lets out a sigh, closing her eyes. “My rant is over, but you _are_ coming with me to Magnus and Alec’s. It’s movie night.”

“But I…”

“I swear to _god_ Simon if you say you have homework I will punch you because I know you’ve been playing games.” Her eyes going behind him, fixating on the visible TV in her vision. “Save your progress and get a god dam jacket. You do not have to interact with Jace, but I _am_ dragging your ass there.”

Knowing he doesn’t really have any other choice, he saves the game and turns off his TV before he’s putting on some shoes and pulling on a hoodie. Grabbing his keys and heading out the door.

**

She lets herself into his apartment, eyes roaming around the extremely clean room. So he cleaned up the bottles, she thought to herself before she walks to where she usually finds him. He was there, lying on his bed and she sits down at his feet.

“Have you finally stopped drowning your sorrows in alcohol?” She asks, placing a gentle hand on his leg.

“I kind of ran out, and I just cannot be bothered to go get more, so I guess.” He mumbles, letting out a sigh.

“Good, because me and you are going to movie night at Magnus and Alec’s place, and before you protest, Alec wants you there. Please, he misses you. We all do, and you can’t hide in your apartment for the rest of your life.”

“Try me.”

Huffing a bit, she stands up and grabs hold of his ankles and yanks him off of the bed. His body falling awkwardly to the ground, and he groans and mumbles something along the lines of ‘sisters are annoying’, and that just made her smile and dust of her hands. Leaning down she pats his cheek, “That’s a good boy. Now, if you’re not at my car in five minutes I will come back and drag you down myself.”

“Yes _mother_.”

Rolling her eyes she leaves the room, and heads down towards her car.

**

When he walks in, he is bombarded with a hug and he can smell Clary’s shampoo and hugs her back. She pulls away and hits him on his shoulder.

“Don’t do that ever again. We are all here to help you, remember that.” She said before she’s walking into the kitchen.

Honestly, he wouldn’t have expected anything less from Clary if he was honest but he doesn’t mind. He shrugs off his jacket, and places it on the coat hanger. Upon seeing Alec he was engulfed in another hug and he whispers “I missed you, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. Let’s get ready for the movie because everyone is here.” Alec said as he had pulled away.

“Told you I would be able to get him here.” Izzy spoke with a grin upon her lips, and Magnus walks up to them and hands out a drink to everyone.

“Good, now I want everyone to be civil please. No repeat of the last movie night.” Magnus said before he’s leading Alec away from his siblings.

Wait, last movie night Simon was here, did that mean he was here now? Oh god, he wasn’t too sure if he really was up for this. He takes in a deep breath and slowly lets it out.

Clary walked out of the kitchen, followed by of course Simon because of _course_. He’s a bit frozen in his place. His eyes watch as Izzy moves towards them, he thought she was just going to wrap her arms around her girlfriend. Boy was he wrong when he saw as her hand went across Simon’s cheek.

“No one hurts any of my brother’s and gets away with it.” She says with a light growl in her voice as she glares at the brunette. Then she is wrapping her arm around Clary’s waist.

“Izzy!” Clary and Jace exclaimed at the same time.

“No, I deserve it.” Simon mumbles, his eyes not looking at anyone because he felt guilty. He felt that he _did_ deserve that, and he thought something like this might have happened. He didn’t know _what_ exactly but _something_.

Clary breaks away from Izzy’s arm, shaking her head and cupping Simon’s face. Running her fingers softly over the reddening cheek as a frown formed upon her glossed lips. “Why on earth would you ever deserve that?”

“ _I’m_ the guy Clary. You know the one you said that fucked Jace over. Me, Clary, it was _me_. I thought by now everyone would have found out bec –” Choking on his words, he pulls away from Clary’s touch and walks away.

Jace watches as Simon walks down the hallway, and his heart aches and he so badly wants to go after Simon. He almost does but Izzy pulls on his arm, but Clary does go after him.

“Don’t go after him, you’ve done that for nearly a _year_ Jace. Learn to say no to him like you did two weeks ago.”

“But –”

“Jace…”

 He sighs and the two walk towards where the movie was set up. The room was quiet, and Jace noticed as every pair of eyes settled on him.

“Isabelle, I thought I said I wanted things to be _civil_. Slapping Simon is _not_ civil.” Magnus spoke up, eyes eyeing her like he was waiting for her to apologise. But she didn’t say anything as took a seat next Lydia, leaving the space between her and Maia for when Clary came into the room.

Silence fell over the group, but eyes were still looking at Jace. He was growing uncomfortable, and it caused him to turn around and walk down the hallway. Finding the bathroom he places his cup on the vanity. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath in and out, and repeating the action until he felt calmer. Knowing that no one was looking at him helped him with it. He’s sitting on the edge of the bathtub, his head in his hands as he’s collecting himself. After a few moments there is a soft knock, Jace lifts his head to see Clary and he gives a weak smile.

She walks in and takes a seat next to him. “I’m sorry. I thought you two were fighting over something…trivial. Izzy said she was bringing you so I thought I should bring Simon too. That whatever it was, you two would figure it out. I…I….”

“You didn’t know its okay. I’ve just…been thinking a lately. About…him.”

Clary rest a hand on his back, rubbing circle’s into his back. “Simon said you told him you needed to think. I’m sorry. I think you both need to have a talk, if you want I can be there.” She offers with a light smile on her lips.

He shakes his head, “No, I think we should be fine. I’m going to do that now. Tell the others to start the movie without us.”

She nods her head before standing up, “He’s in the spare bedroom.”

**

He didn’t leave the bathroom right away, he took a few minutes to collect his thoughts and figure out what he was going to say. When he did, he walked into the spare bedroom. Simon was still there, his head was hung low. Taking a seat next to Simon, Jace let out a light sigh. “I’ve had time to think about us. I don’t know _why_ you ever thought that I would ever want to break it off with you. You were what I wanted, I always told you that. You _are_ still what I want but…I don’t know if you even care about me like you use too.”

“I do. I do still care about you. I’m sorry for putting you through this, you don’t deserve it. You deserve the world but I thought that one day you would realise that I couldn’t give it to you. That you would want to find someone who could give it to you.” Simon says, his voice a little quiet as the words pass his lips. There is a sound of a sniffle and he wipes at his nose. “I know that wasn’t a good enough reason to break it off, so…I didn’t say why. I thought you would laugh at me.”

Unable to fight the urge this time, Jace lifts Simon’s face to look at his. “You think that little of me? Because you would have been wrong.  If you had said _why_ , we could have still been together this whole time because I would have told you that you _are_ my world. That the only person who could give me it, was the person in front of me.” He uses his thumb to wipe away the tears that fall down Simon’s cheek. His eyes wonder over Simon’s face, taking in all the detail of it and how he so **badly** wants to kiss away the sadness on Simon’s features. Eyes linger on lips and then the next then he knows he is feeling a hand in his hair as he’s kissing Simon.

Izzy was going to kill him, but he didn’t care because this felt _real_ this time compared to those nights when Simon would crash their lips together before their clothing was discarded. He could feel the way Simon was desperately trying to put all his apologises into the kiss. The apologies coming off with how hard Simon is pressing his lips to Jace’s, Jace kissing back with a softer touch. The softer touch his way of accepting the apologies his lips were drowning in. They pull away when they both need air, Simon resting his forehead against Jace’s.

“Maybe we can…” Jace starts to say.

“Start this over?” Simon supplies as he nods his head a little, his nose brushing against Jace’s just a little as he did.

“Yeah.” The reply was barely a whisper before Jace is pulling Simon in for another kiss. This time, the kiss was soft and gentle from both parties. Lips meeting together like they did when they first kissed almost three years ago, like nothing had ever come between them.

**Author's Note:**

> Finishing Of The Week In True Char Fashion; With A Lot Of Angst.


End file.
